I always assumed that college would be an incredibly social experience. But to my surprise, I soon needed to learn how to combat loneliness.

Almost 4 years ago to the T, COVID-19 hit me in my freshman dorms at UC Santa Barbara. My roommate and I snickered at the international students for wearing masks. We took comfort in the fact that a virus in China was in no way going to affect our lives in this sleepy California beach town. Oh boy, were we wrong.

Fast forward a month, and I’m in my childhood bedroom trying to organize Zoom calls with friends. Every morning, I’d check the case counts in Santa Barbara County, hoping I’d receive an email saying we could go back to campus. I’m not unique in my experience. Almost every college and high school student experienced some version of my story.

Fresh out of college and deep into my graduate program, I now live by myself in an apartment in Berkeley. When I first moved in, even though no lockdown measures were in place, I felt uniquely isolated. All my college friends were scattered across the country, and my parents, though close, weren’t downstairs like they used to be during COVID.

A new Surgeon General Advisory on isolation reveals that few Americans know how to combat loneliness these days. That’s when I realized that loneliness and isolation wasn’t a COVID-19 problem; it’s a more systemic issue.

How to Combat Loneliness: Finding Third Places

In their article “‘Third Places’ As Community Builders,” Stuart M. Butler and Carmen Diaz reference the idea of third spaces, or “places where people spend time between home (‘first’ place) and work (‘second’ place)… [to] exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships.” Colleges and high schools serve as third spaces for us during our adolescence, but they are finite and cease to exist immediately post graduation. Notice how people say that college was the best time of their life? I’d say it’s because it was the only time in their lives that they had access to a third space.

Here at REG, we don’t like to complain about problems. Instead, we like to find solutions. So here is, in my opinion, a solution to cultivating lifelong third spaces.

I’ve recently learned to combat loneliness and isolation. Here is a peek into my journey.

My Story: Feeling Alone in a Crowd

After COVID ended and I came back to campus, I basked in the glory of UCSB’s social life. Parties, hangouts, beach days, and sunset walks with friends occupied my calendar.

Eventually, however, I grew bored of this rotation of activities and started to seek out clubs in order to meet people with similar interests. I joined UCSB’s run club and got to know some folks while staying fit. Then I joined the Sikh cultural organization on campus to stay connected with my ethnic and religious roots. Throughout this time, I continued to hang out with casual friends I met from dorms and classes.

Still, none of these groups really scratched my itch for social connection. I liked the folks from the run club and the Sikh Student Association, but I didn’t form deep connections with any of them. Consequently, my interest in these clubs fizzled out.

Stumbling into Comedy

I was watching TV in my living room on a Monday evening when my two housemates told me that they were going to go perform comedy at an open mic at a restaurant close to campus. “I’ll come watch,” I said to my friends. As I watched them perform, I got butterflies. It was the same butterflies you get when you see a pretty girl and decide you have to go talk to her. But in my case, comedy was the pretty girl. I just knew I had to go say hi.

The following week, I signed up for the open mic and almost had a panic attack when they called me to the stage. I got up and begrudgingly told my 5 minutes of jokes. I was back at the open mic, week after week. And soon enough, I was addicted to telling jokes on stage, eventually running the UCSB Stand Up Comedy club as its VP the following quarter.

It was easy to make friends with the other comics. We were all wired the same way, we always had something to talk about, and we rode the same highs and lows of live stage performances. We put up shows and mics together, hung out afterwards, and wrote jokes. Most importantly, we became friends.

Pursue Shared Interests to Combat Loneliness

I’m at UC Berkeley now, and I joined the comedy club here on campus. Nothing can replace UCSB, but I’ve found myself enjoying the company of my fellow comedians here at Cal just as much. Furthermore, the Bay Area, outside of college campuses, has a thriving live art scene with comics, improv comedians, and musicians. Growing out of UC Berkeley’s club means exploring these adult spaces where I can meet people in an organic way and build connections through a shared interest. Comedy is a great way for me to get out of the house and meet like-minded people.

The moral of the story? You need a shared interest to build real friendships. The more passionate you are about your activity of choice, the higher likelihood you are going to make friends.

What does this have to do with college? Well, college is a great place to explore your interests. Yeah, go to frat parties, sports games, and concerts. But also be sure to explore your hobbies and interests. Because yes, doing homework and studying for tests is important, but finding an activity that will serve as your lifelong third space is equally invaluable.

-Raj

The Internet Doesn’t Understand Passion

Passion is a strange word, and understanding passion is hard. Google’s attempt to define passion makes me scratch my head…

For starters, I don’t believe I’ve ever disagreed more with Google on a search result. Second, I don’t ever recall experiencing such a broad range of topics in definitions 1 and 2. We went from emotion to God in less than a millisecond. Technology is clearly not the answer, folks.

So what’s up with this idea of passion then? And why is it so confusing?

Well, I hear about it all the time, typically as something we have to find in our lives. Parents often say, “My son just hasn’t found his passion yet,” or, “Oh, she found her passion at an early age. She’s 100% passionate about becoming a doctor”—as if passions must manifest themselves as prestigious professions that heed our parents’ approval.

While it may be true that some are lucky to find their passions in life, I have a different theory for the rest of us. First, that passions are defined as interests we cultivate to the point of providing us with purpose. Second, that passions are not found. That is not to say that we don’t stumble upon interests. I constantly find myself dabbling in a host of unplanned new topics and activities. However, I believe almost no one stumbles upon a passion.

Understanding Passion: The Determination to Endure

That’s because passions require an immense amount of patience. Someone who’s passionate about finding the cure to cancer has undoubtedly poured thousands of hours into the effort—for little or no reward. To become passionate about anything means we’ve experienced both the joys and misfortunes of an activity, yet still choose to go on. Because passions provide a deeper sense of purpose. This seems to hold up well under pressure. Loving parents are passionate about their children and are willing to put up with chronic sleep deprivation. Dedicated civil rights advocates are passionate about fairness and are willing to put up with physical danger and even death.

So before you claim you’re passionate about something, ask yourself this question: What fire and flames have you been through in order to keep going? I’m not sure if it’s fair to call it a passion, unless you’ve persevered through genuine hardship to conduct that activity. It might just be a really strong interest, which is completely okay!

Then, my next question: What purpose does this bring to your life that nothing else can?

Because having a passion is hard and it’s really, really rare. And with dwindling attention spans in an instant-gratification world, I see humanity losing the capacity to live with passion. Who has the time or care to walk through fire if they can just use a fire extinguisher?

Understanding Passion in Others’ Lives

Some people want to be doctors. Others are passionate about healing people.

Most of the first bunch don’t make it. You don’t hear about them because who’s going to tell someone that they gave up? They don’t make it because those who are obsessed with a profession have no greater purpose other than self-service or making their parents happy. That’s just not going to get you through the fire and flames.

Meanwhile, passionate healers are slightly better off because they’ve self-commissioned a sense of purpose. Understanding passion, however, means recognizing that their journey’s success is also not guaranteed. Just because you’re purposeful doesn’t mean you have the patience or the skills to make it all the way through.

A Story of Untested Passion

Let’s start with a friend of mine who did make it—but only barely. Jay and I grew up together, and he’s now a doctor who practices in Southern California. He had a rude awakening when the first of his Organic Chemistry classes decimated him. Jay was always  a hard worker, but here he was, seriously questioning whether he had the ability to go any further. He examined his life, and realized that if he were to stand a chance at med school, he’d have to sacrifice everything socially at UC Irvine. No more time with friends, no more leisure, no more anything. He committed to it, and the rest is history.

However, for every Jay that exists, there are at least 2 that didn’t make it—all equally passionate but untested in that passion. People decide to leave before med school, during med school, and even after completing med school.  Most recently, I even learned of someone who left medicine during residency—yes, that means they had completed practically the entire educational journey and decided to leave anyway. Much of the decision, I hear, was based on the demands of being a doctor and how they couldn’t see themselves doing it anymore.

The reality is not all passions are created equal in terms of how we pursue them professionally. Furthermore, not all passions are meant to be pursued professionally. Lastly, if a passion is so tightly tied to a single profession, then it’s probably not truly a passion but rather an aspirational self-image that one is attached to.

No, I wouldn’t say I have a passion for HR.

-Dan

Before you focus on finding your passion, you should start by finding and cultivating several meaningful interests. Don’t know where to start? Reach out to one of our mentors at ReadyEdgeGo for customized support.

‘This year, FAFSA and the return of SAT requirements are affecting many students’ college applications—and they may impact you, too.

As many of you are already aware, the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) has been nothing short of a disaster this year. At ReadyEdgeGo, many of our Applications Advisors have coached our families through pain points of the new online FAFSA application. All we can do is give our best recommendations for a less than ideal situation.

Based on what we currently know, here are our best predictions for what to anticipate. We want you to have an idea how FAFSA and SAT requirements may impact you.

How FAFSA Impacts You

As universities receive FAFSA information from the Department of Education, students have started receiving admissions decisions. Bear in mind that decisions have been completely decontextualized from need-based aid. Therefore, merit-based aid is also likely to be impacted. Schools do not have a broader picture of how many students are receiving what kinds of aid.

Due to the challenges of filling out the application, much of the data received by schools may be incomplete or fragmented. If you know you need to issue corrections to your FAFSA, and were unable to make any edits after you submitted, check back to see if you can make corrections. This will greatly expedite the process for the universities you have applied to.

Colleges Are Pushing Back Commitment (SIR) Deadlines

Typically, the national SIR (Statement of Intent to Register) deadline is May 1. This is the deadline by which you must make a decision about which school to attend. Because of the FAFSA challenges, most universities are aware that you are unlikely to make the most informed decision because you may not have a full financial aid package picture. As a result, many schools have pushed back this deadline. UCs have moved to May 15. CSUs will accept SIR no earlier than May 15. And a handful of schools across the country are allowing families to make their decisions as late as June 1, 2024.

This will likely also cause some serious conflicts when it comes to making the decision to commit to any particular school. You may especially struggle if you’re unsure if one of those schools with a later deadline may come in with a financial package after another school’s SIR deadline. Expect some flexibility, especially in situations where you may come off a waitlist.

Colleges Are More Likely to Be Liberal with Waitlists

In order to more clearly understand the landscape of student need, expect to see more schools utilizing waitlists more liberally than in past years. Historically, waitlists have been a tool that many top universities use to control their yield expectations (how many students will commit vs the number of students admitted). Because financial aid is a key factor in how families make decisions to commit to one university over another, universities are using every tool at their disposal to control yield in an unpredictable year.

If you are seeing more waitlist decisions than you would like, keep in mind the bigger picture.

Colleges Are More Likely to Offer Financial Packages Well After Admissions Decisions

Many of you are probably incredibly excited to start weighing your options based on the decisions you have now. This is totally normal! However, please keep in mind that one of the biggest factors in making these decisions is the overall financial picture. This is a picture you may not immediately have for a majority of your schools.

As of March, only about ⅓ of eligible students had submitted their FAFSA applications. Typically, at that time of year, 70% of eligible students would have submitted their information. The landscape will continue to change as more admissions and financial aid offices across the country are flooded with a second wave of students who feel more confidence (or more pressure!) to submit.

The New York Times has a great article explaining the entire FAFSA situation, including how we got here and what to anticipate over the next few months. If you do not have a paid subscription to the New York Times, AP also has an informative article.

How the Return of the SAT Requirement Impacts You

If you have yet to apply to college, you may have seen renewed SAT requirements for many  Tier 0 schools. Dartmouth, Brown, Yale, and UT Austin have announced they’re bringing back the SAT requirement for admissions moving forward. Until now, almost all schools (except a small handful of holdouts like MIT and CalTech) had moved to a test optional model.

Currently, there is a broader national conversation about whether eliminating SAT/ACT requirements evened the playing field for applicants from disadvantaged backgrounds. Data released by the schools that have announced the requirements suggest that test optional students perform more poorly than their counterparts who submitted these scores. Assume that with the return of the SAT requirement for the top schools, many schools–especially highly competitive ones–will follow suit.

Talk to your ReadyEdgeGo mentors to determine your best path forward.

The UCs and CSUs Continue to Be Test-Blind Schools

The UCs and the CSUs will likely continue to be test blind. The California public schools are strong proponents of eliminating barriers to application. If you are only planning on applying to California public schools, you will not need to take the test.

Challenges in Finding SAT Test Locations with the Digital Format

The SAT has rolled out a new digital version of the test that should make for an easier testing experience. However, seats are booking up fast. It may be difficult to find a testing center in your area prior to June. Check early and often for test locations and availability if you’re planning on applying to schools that require the test. Sometimes slots will open up at closer testing locations as the test dates approach. Our advice is to check daily.

Want to know more about how the FAFSA and SAT requirements may impact you personally? As always, ReadyEdgeGo is here to answer your questions! If you are a member, reach out to your mentor. If you are new or returning, schedule an initial consultation today!

Furthermore, setting a Medium difficulty level allows you to balance challenge and fun, which then keeps you going in the long run, fueling incremental growth. Imagine if the only dumbbell available at the gym was 100 pounds. No one would use it because it’s too much for virtually any exercise. It’s too challenging. Now, imagine that the only dumbbell available was 1 pound. No one would use it because it’s too light and useless. It would be too boring. This likely explains why the 20 and 25 pound dumbbells are almost always occupied at the gym. Being in the middle makes it challenging but not overly challenging. And once you build the muscle, you then move onto the next weight range of 30 to 35 and so on, redefining what is now your new “Medium difficulty.”

The Key to Growth Is Difficulty

Applying this principle to anything you do will allow you to have fun while continuously advancing your abilities. As we improve in anything, we also tend to like it more because of the new possibilities that become available.

Take tennis, for example, a sport that many people give up on almost immediately. The moment they hit a ball out of the courts is the moment most give up. What they don’t understand is that they were doomed from the beginning because they set the difficulty level too high. Most first timers are given a racket without any proper instruction. Not knowing how to hold a racket, position oneself on the court, and swing is a recipe for disaster.

Rather, what a newcomer to tennis should do is set the difficulty to Medium. Medium for a newcomer is to learn how to hold a racket, stand 5 feet from the net – not 40 feet – and push the ball to the other side – no swings. That’s a lot already for someone who has never held a racket, but in my time teaching others how to play, this is the sweet spot. They get the ball over and build confidence in themselves, and once they get the hang of it, they take a step back, and back again, and again until they find themselves 30 and then 40 feet away, no longer afraid of hitting home runs.

Finding your Medium difficulty is crucial to helping you grow. It allows you to build self-confidence from incremental wins, and it’s a concept that can be applied to everything, from sports to school. The best part is the fun never ends, because there’s always something more to learn and overcome, a new Medium.

A Dating Decision Gone Wrong: The Time When I (Unknowingly) Set My Difficulty Level Too High

“Hey Jess, would you like to go play tennis some time?”

My famous last words. I had just started my junior year in college, and Jessica and I happened to share a few classes together. We were business majors at UC Berkeley, and from what I gathered, I heard Jessica was pretty good, even labeled “semi-pro” by some of my other peers.

She was a USTA rated 5.0 player. I had no idea what that meant, but I figured I’d be okay. After all, I had played for years with my friends; granted, we weren’t competitive and didn’t really know what we were doing, but we managed to get the balls over the net. If anything, I told myself, I could always just slice the back if all else failed.

Well, it turns out that all else did fail. And the slice, too. That failed miserably. If life was a video game, I had just gone to the final level boss battle as a Level 1 noob. Difficulty: Insanity. It was so bad that I couldn’t even get a single ball back to Jessica. Ball after ball, I dumped them into the net or worse, often into the cold concrete in front of me. Needless to say, the date didn’t go well, and I practically quit tennis for a long time.

The Key to Growth: Difficulty (But Not Too Much of It)

It wasn’t until about 5 years after graduating that I properly learned how to hit a ball. I learned that everything I did in the past was all wrong: my technique, my positioning, and certainly my slice. Humbled, I decided to hit a hard reset button and start all over.

I relearned how to play from scratch. I practiced the way I saw young children playing, playing “short court” before gradually moving back a few feet at a time. Everything was challenging but just at the right level of “challenging”. In other words, I found my Medium difficulty, and I’ve gotten better and better ever since.

Today, I’ve since taught many others how to play the sport. Like them, I felt hopeless while flailing for a tennis ball, but unlike me, they likely will never ask someone out on a first date while doing it.

State of Flow

-Dan

Need help finding the right amount of challenge to keep you growing? Our mentors at ReadyEdgeGo specialize in making customized recommendations that fit each student’s individual needs.

Unlike a brief vacation, studying abroad provides an opportunity to get to know another country up close. Simply showing up, however, doesn’t mean you’ll build your ideal study abroad experience—that takes intentionality.

During my senior year of college, I studied abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. That semester, I achieved fluency in Spanish, built a community of international friends, and felt connected to local culture. Here are my top four tips for planning the ideal study abroad trip rich with a lifetime of memories.

1. Build Your Ideal Study Abroad Experience by Studying the Language

How well you can communicate with locals will determine whether you have a heartfelt cultural experience, or merely visit restaurants. Whatever your current language level, start studying as soon as you’ve chosen your destination. Studying in advance will speed you up in developing the language skills necessary for relationships.

After arriving in-country, increase your amount of focused study time. Along with studying Spanish in class all morning and at home every afternoon, I used bus rides to memorize vocab. One friend boosted his comprehension by listening to Harry Potter in Spanish. Our skills advanced dramatically in just a few months. Those who expected to “pick Spanish up naturally,” however, left Argentina barely able to communicate beyond getting around.

2. Live with a Local Family

Enjoying the hospitality of locals is the best way to go deep into the culture. Sure, dinners may feel awkward if you can’t initially say much beyond “hello” and “bathroom.” Still, you’d be surprised how quickly you’re laughing at inside jokes and sharing about your day.

In addition to initiating relationships you’ll likely keep long term, living with a family gives you a cultural “in.” Your hosts will be eager to share insider insights and advice about your experiences if you just ask.

3. Get Involved

At the end of my semester in Argentina, most of my peers had not made a single local friend. I left with more close relationships than I could count. What made the difference?

Most of the Americans in my program lived together in a dorm-type setting. They spent their free time visiting local attractions in insulated, English-speaking groups. Conversely, living with a local family meant my American housemates were equally intentional about getting to know Argentinians. Instead of isolating ourselves from intimidating experiences by staying within an American bubble, we teamed up to meet people together. We didn’t merely hit up cool venues (the tourist’s approach) but rather prioritized activities that centered around local friends.

While in Argentina, I joined a local church, volunteered weekly for a children’s program in an under-resourced neighborhood, befriended my Taiwanese-Argentinian launderer’s family and taught their daughter English twice a week, and took an art class at a community center. Each opportunity opened doors to new relationships and invitations to come over for dinner or go on a picnic. I also proactively invited the people I met to activities, like suggesting a multicultural Thanksgiving dinner with my launderer’s family and a few American friends.

4. Choose a Location with Lots to Do

As the second-largest city in South America, Buenos Aires had a lot to offer. In five months’ time, I never ran out of new neighborhoods, venues, and parks to check out. This gave me the perfect balance between establishing consistency within ongoing relationships and experiencing adventure every week.

Since I was on a tight budget, I chose a program that included a few prepaid excursions. A weekend at Iguazu Falls and an afternoon in Uruguay gave me incredible glimpses of the world beyond Buenos Aires.

If possible, plan your own weekend trips to surrounding regions. Choose a strategic location where you can go deep locally while checking out nearby cities or countries that interest you.

Build Your Ideal Study Abroad Experience

The best life only comes via careful thought and intensive planning. The same is true of maximizing your study abroad experience. Do lots of reading before choosing a program. Then spend a semester researching your location as you strategically design your dream trip. Chances are, you’ll never do this again, so make it a major life event. Hey, people spend six months (or more!) planning a one-day wedding. It’s okay to invest a little time into getting excited about the country you can’t wait to explore.

My last tip? Be brave. Once you’re there, plunge into every opportunity, even if you look silly. Let the locals laugh at your grammar; it’s okay. You’ll be laughing, too, as you picnic on a skyscraper roof at night or try your hand at cooking octopus.

This is life: unpredictable, unrefined, rushing past you in a blaze of streets and strangers. You either jump into the beauty, or you hang back, afraid.

So get out there. Lose your way in the city; find your place in the light.

-Sarah

Need help charting out a more intentional path as you prepare for college (or even high school)? Our mentors at ReadyEdgeGo are here with personalzed recommendations to help you build the future you dream of.

Most parents in the United States (and the whole world, really) would love to go to a dinner party and utter the words, “My kid is starting school at Stanford this fall.” Quite an impressive reputation for a small private school in a quiet Bay Area suburb—but Stanford’s changing culture means it isn’t the same university it was in the past.

Let’s learn a little bit about Stanford.

Leland Stanford Jr. University

President Herbert Hoover was a part of Stanford’s “pioneer” graduating class in 1895. In the modern era, we revere Stanford graduates as world class leaders. Distinct from Hoover’s presidential leadership, we observe Stanford grads serving as leaders of a different type of institution: tech startups.

Stanford’s Big Three: Google, Instagram, and OpenAI

Merriam-Webster engraved Google’s influence into our society by defining the word Google as a verb. Google started in a lab on Stanford University’s campus, where Larry Page and Sergey Brin began to build the page rank algorithm. On their quest to “organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful,” the pair built a product that changed the world.

Quite a few years later, Google hired an intern named Kevin Systrom off Stanford’s campus. He quit his internship, supposedly, because the lack of a computer science degree prevented him from becoming an associate product manager. Kevin then went on to launch an app that a few of you might have heard of: Instagram.

Stanford has a habit of churning out startup founders and investors: Sam Altman, Peter Theil, Phil Knight, and many more. Do we expect the school to continue its legacy going forward?

Stanford’s Changing Student Life and Startup Culture

The Stanford Review released an op-ed about Stanford’s changing culture, which no longer focuses on startups. Author Ginevra Davis paints a picture of Stanford that looks past the prestige and into the daily life and culture of the school.

Because of Google, Instagram, and Open AI, many people see Stanford as a magical place where great ideas are born. Davis argues that this may have been the case 5-10 years ago, but today’s Stanford students are more concerned with landing the esteemed six-figure starting salary at a FANG company. Today’s Cardinals throw “Entrepreneur” in their LinkedIn bio simply because it’ll help them land that sweet SWE gig. Davis goes on to explain how a larger chunk of students are going down the safer, well-charted path of corporate America.

What if I don’t want to be a startup founder? Is Stanford a good place for me? Davis argues that it may not be. She wrote a more general piece for Palladium Magazine where, instead of focusing on startups, she paints a holistic picture of the delta of Stanford student culture.

Davis starts with an anecdote of a fraternity using excess sand from a hula party to build an island in the middle of a campus lake. They rented a bulldozer, wooed the groundskeeper, and left their mark on the Santa Clara Valley. The brothers then built a zipline from their house to the island, making the patch of land their fun weekend getaway. Davis then says, “It is hard to imagine someone at Stanford building an island anymore. In fact, it is hard to imagine them building anything. The campus culture has changed.”

Understanding Stanford’s Changing Culture

That same fraternity has since been removed from campus, turned into student housing, and given an alphanumeric name in accordance with surrounding buildings to avoid any naming-related controversy.

My interpretation of Davis’s article is that Stanford’s admin is working hard to squeeze out Stanford’s special sauce, with the same vigor that we all use trying to get that last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. Students churn out of the school yearly, while the same administrators remain. As campus organizations are removed, old buildings are renamed, and new rules are implemented, Stanford’s tube of toothpaste is close to empty.

I don’t think Davis is necessarily pro-fraternity; she seems to be pro-expression and pro-third space. She paints dozens more pictures about the hiking co-op house, reminiscent walks with friends, and closed doors and empty halls of freshman dorms. Students are lonely, sad, and frustrated, she explains. They aren’t happy, creative, and changing the world. My favorite quote from the article:

“Stanford students live in brand new buildings with white walls. We have a $20 million dollar meditation center that nobody uses. But students didn’t ask for any of that. We just wanted a dirty house with friends.”

Should you go to Stanford?

Probably. It’s still a great school with access to great opportunities.

The thing is that Stanford, and all elite schools really, have reached a tipping point. Stanford shares 70% of its admit pool with the Ivy League. This tells us that admitted students likely hail from a pool of highly resourced candidates. Some have legacy status. Others are resourced enough to check off the laundry list of items that admissions officers deem to be important. A smaller portion of people than ever are going to Stanford to think differently and change the world. They are going because it’s the express lane into a six-figure job post grad.

But honestly, if you are just looking to get hired, I’ve heard that SJSU’s career fair works just fine. Maybe with all the money you save on tuition, you can build sand dunes in their quad.

-Raj

Want to work in Silicon Valley? Here’s why SJSU might be the right choice.